the week my grandfather died, i felt utterly alone. friends came to the house for a wake, but it wasn’t enough to keep my feet on the ground; it was two days before christmas, and (my family was never very “touchy-feely”) i joined Tinder for the holidays. i’d arranged a few dates, went on two... by jan 1st, a hostel manager and i were having shrooms at my place. i cried, then channeled stories of women being wild horses while our fathers and partners were horsemen; i spoke how, with my “pater familias” gone, i felt completely lost. he listened, made us food and kept me comfortable... i remember thinking how bizarre it was, he was wearing my hoodie and sweatpants, virtually mute, seemingly more a ghost then man - a proxy for someone who couldn’t be there. i remember wondering who my stories were being channeled to, in what time and dimension, and if it were someone i’d already met (there was a feeling of familiarity): it was completely untypical of me to share so much on what was technically a second date.. riding that wave, we started a relationship that, with incompatibilities showing up five months in, stretched out to 7 months total. but, just like that mushroomy day, in these months, he gave me space to come up for air from my *hermit* phase; i kept him motivated to look for a viable career... we exchanged a few texts some weeks ago: less than six months at a new job, he was being head-hunted by another firm, moved into a nicer apartment, and was enjoying the flow.. i was happy to learn he was doing well, without bitterness over the time we shared together - a sign of maturity.
i am mentioning this, though, because today i learned, via another good man, that “horseman” (or “caballero”, or “knight”) and “gentleman” - are in fact synonyms, and that “chivalry” has the same root... 🦄 this discovery further confirms my certainty that time truly IS an illusion, and keeps me in eternal awe of the wonderful, magical intricacies of the reality i (we) reside in. may this remind you to allow life to flow through you, with your senses and your heart wide open: knowing that it only brings you closer to knowing yourself.
blessed Jupiter’s day, loves. 💙