"Self care is not selfish..."
This boundary has been my main focus this year.
As a recovering co-dependent, life had dealt me a narcissistic parent, and several toxic relationships both in love and friendships; I was and had always been in a constant reactive state of pleasing others.
So this year, like most life lessons, 'choosing myself' was thrust upon me without my knowledge. At first it began when I became very ill at the beginning of the year, and was genuinely unable to show up for people, as I normally would. Slowly but surely I found that people around me had vastly different reactions to this.
Some handled it well, and were helpful and caring as I was recovering, but others became angry, attacking, and dismissive when I wasn't able to be there for them.
Now, I must admit, I did fight my illness and attempt to be 'everything for everyone', at first, but that only seemed to make my illness worse(not resting etc). I felt it was the universe saying, "cut this shit out! It's not healthy!", which is absolutely true.
It was uncomfortable when I started not showing up for others, and I would often have to speak myself down from panic attacks. However, once I worked out who would hold space for me as I recovered, and who was pissed off that I was unavailable, as they felt entitled to my energy; the game changed.
I used my anxiety and people's responses to me putting reasonable boundaries up, as a guide to remove or keep them in my life.
It was a hard lesson to learn, and God knows it took me a while to completely understand it, but now I check in with myself. I am happy with any and all boundaries I put in place, and I now trust my gut when it comes to those I allow in my close circle.
I finally decided to CHOOSE ME!
#quotestoliveby #wednesday #bliss
#positive #life #mindfulness #meditation #thequatervois #counselling #anxiety
#abuserecovery #npd #wellness #wellbeing #growth #boundaries #brenebrown #codependency #chooseme #spiritualawakening #smile #happiness #sayingno #oprah #healthyboundaries #selfcare