Me grocery shopping last night:
Husband: what do want for dinners?
Me: I don’t care get what y’all want... husband: what kind of veggies do you want?
Me: I really don’t care you pick what y’all want... Husband: what do you want to take for lunch... me: I have no earthly idea.. 🤦🏻♀️
Husband: wow babe I have never seen you like this.. Seriously y’all I have grown to hate food... I don’t want to think about food, food labels, carbs, fat, or anything... I want to simply just stop eating and put a feeding tube in... bc food feels like my enemy.. if it taste good it’s killing me, if it’s good for me well it taste terrible.. so I’m burn out.. to boot I’m not loosing or gaining I’m just sitting perfectly still! I want to pick up something and eat without the guilt, sometimes I do eat what I want but then the guilt rips me to shreds... I feel like I now understand why ppl become bulimic and anorexic... while I wouldnt say I’m there, I would say I understand how they get there... Food is our drug and it’s very much like an addict trying to get fix to get through the day but not get full blown high... However our bodies literally need food to live.. without our “Drug” we literally will die.. there is no rehab to detox us from this, we can’t move away from the area that triggers us bc we literally must eat to live period!
I’m sorry guys this is just on my mind and it’s driving me crazy... while I’m thankful I never turned to drugs or alcohol to deal with my abuse in my childhood, I hate that food was what I choose... 😞 this feels like even more torcher and no one can help me... this is just really weighing on me... #bingeeatingdisorderrecovery
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