How do you gain confidence? Especially if no on has confidence in you? Especially if no one looks at you? When people who don't even know you hate you? I can't move anywhere like this. A stone wall in front of me that I try to move, I tell myself I'll ignore it, but I can't. It's normal to want recognition from people, right? Human nature. When you're literally invisible it's just unbearable. I thought I liked it this way at first. Not being seen. Simply living life like a quiet ghost who only comes to life when her friends are around. This way no one would have a reason to hate me and I'd just be safe in my little bubble, right? But then the people in my bubble turned toxic, the people outside the bubble still found a way to despise me and talk about me behind my back. And finally, the bubble after all of this time poisoned me and broke me down to a hollow shell of a person. I have no self-esteem, no confidence. I only see others around me getting endless support, others being praised as beautiful and talented. Sometimes I look at myself and I tell myself that I'm proud to be who I am. That I am someone who is talented, beautiful, and means something to someone. However, it means nothing because in an instant, I no longer believe it.
You don't have to respond. I know I come here way too often to vent about these things, but it's because I won't dare tell a soul irl. If you read this and think that it's criNge and attention seeking, I understand. Probably going to disable comments tho so people won't feel obligated to comment something nice. If you read it, that's enough. I just have to say it somewhere.
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