Starting a fresh social media account is obnoxious because you know it’s going to be a challenge. You inevitably look like a spam account or someone living a double life. In my case, I’m just anal when it comes to organizing my photos and content, so it made sense to start from scratch.
This isn’t something new to me, thinking about my body. I grew up going to my mom’s WW meetings and watched in horror as people had to weigh themselves publicly. She would take us to the gym with her, and we would wait in the kids area. We would eat KFC for dinner and she would eat grilled chicken. Our middle sister lost a ton of weight as well, and she even went on to study nutrition in college. By high school, I was anorexic and obsessed with my body image. I would photoshop pictures of myself for my MySpace. I would pinch my legs and wish I could chop the fat off. I was 130 lbs and lied on my license because I thought that was huge. A size 5 was gigantic compared to my desired size 0. By college, I was drinking most of calories and binge-eating Taco Bell and Jack-In-the-Box at 3 am every day, struggling to make it to class in the afternoon.
After that point, I dated some dirt bags, and some normal dudes, and found that I was heaviest when I was with them and lightest without them. 125 lbs to 210 lbs to 115 lbs to 165 lbs. Disordered eating and alcoholism plagued me through it all. After I met my current husband, quit drinking and became pregnant, I reached 201 lbs. I had my amazing baby, and lost ZERO lbs after labor. I didn’t lose a single pound for seven months. In fact, I gained two pounds.
I tried WW, and after losing some weight I plateaued. Since January of 2019, I have been hovering around 180 lbs. More importantly than weight, my blood work and blood pressure have always been excellent. However, I have never felt comfortable, and have eaten food out of tradition, boredom and convenience. I know that even though my chart says I’m healthy, in an otherwise stereotypically unhealthy-looking body, I don’t feel that way. I am ready to find something that works for me, nourishes me, works with my busy mom schedule and helps me to heal my disordered way of eating.